Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Support from Beyond

Deborah, Like I have mentioned in the past my mother's twin sister died of cancer of the throat due to smoking. I like to remember my Aunt as being healthy and full of life. Not having a care of what other people thought of her. For instance when she lost her hair through chemo she had on a wig. One day we were out and it was really hot so for her to cool off she took off her wig. People were staring as if they never saw someone who was battling cancer and I remember telling one person, "take a picture it'll last longer". I have great memories of my Aunt even though she died in a horrific way due to smoking. She passed in July of 1997 and I will forever have memories of her cancer battle from smoking. So what did I do to honor her memory but start to smoke! It's just so stupid that after seeing what she went through that I would pick up a cigarette! But shamefully I did. I don't know if my dream that I had of her the other night was due to my patch or was it a sign from beyond the grave but I have to share it. I like to think of it as a sign. In the dream I was with my cousin, her daughter who smokes when she drinks. In the dream my cousin had a cigarette and offered me one and I declined saying I quit. Then suddenly my Aunt appeared, healthy the way I like to remember her without the hole in her throat. My Aunt turned to my cousin and said, "dear daughter have you learned from me at all? Your cousin (meaning me) has and that's why I support her as she's quitting". I woke up from the dream very happy and full of even more willpower than I previously had. Every time I'm tempted I just think of the dream and how I don't want to let her down by smoking again. Every time I want to light up the painful memory of her horrible death of the cancer eating away at her comes back and I refrain from lighting up. I think that dream was meant to remind me of what awaits for me if I continue to smoke. Like I said I don't know if it's from the patch giving me vivid dreams or if it was a message from beyond. All I know is that I have a renewed sense of quitting since that dream and it's given me even more strength to quit and keep on the quitting path. Angie

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